All I’m saying is this is probably one of the best sitcom intros of all time.
But it ALWAYS makes me think of Wayne’s World, which (hear me out!) is a pretty lady-positive movie. I mean, yes, Wayne does treat crazy Lara Flynn Boyle kind of poorly, but the object of his affection (the lovely Tia Carrere) is so fierce.
Something I might as well tell you guys now is that I really, really love Wayne’s World (one and two). “A gun rack? Yeah, right. I don’t even a gun.” It’s classic.
All I’m saying is this is probably one of the best sitcom intros of all time.
I just spent 45 minutes taking in a boxy thrift store denim shirt so that I could recreate a shirt I saw at J. Crew.
This is the face of a woman who just saved herself $90. Also this is the first post of my new blog called “Screw You, J. Crew,” wherein I just recreate their outfits out of stuff I find for almost free. Seriously, it’s a denim shirt. Give me a break.
At my computer
Standing up at The Knitting Factory while a band was playing
In a movie theatre
At my desk, pen in hand
On many, many sofas
On the floor while working out
On my parents’ living room floor
On my boyfriend’s office floor
Occasionally in a bed, if I can make it to one before passing out
A few nights ago, I spent the night at my parents’ house. The next morning, I got this text from my mom while I was at work:
“I just thought it was weird that you were laying upside down on your bed fully clothed huddled under a comforter with all the lights on at midnight. I wish you would have taken some cupcakes.”
So that’s what life is like for me lately. I fell asleep upside down, AND I forgot to take cupcakes.
Image via Daily Mail
I wrote about A Mango-Shaped Space on HelloGiggles this week, and of course I managed to talk about Nabokov. Somehow I always manage that. Listen, some people use their college educations to “get jobs” or whatever. This is how I use mine.
I saw a commercial for Peanut Butter Cheerios on Saturday and I bought a box on Sunday. That’s because I have my PRIORITIES straight. This post was originally intended to tell you how awful the slogan is (“More Grains, Less You”…I’m sorry, what? Am I eating a Thinner pie? Is there a gypsy curse?) but how it doesn’t matter because the product sells itself.
Then I found this video, which I cannot recommend highly enough. This guy is really good at reviewing Cheerios, and he definitely knows his peanut butter cereals. Also, this is probably the only review of Peanut Butter Cheerios that makes a Spike Lee reference. Actually, this is probably the only review of Peanut Butter Cheerios.
This weekend, I watched Tiny Furniture, a movie I’d been wanting to see for a long time. I didn’t really like it, which isn’t the point. I think Lena Dunham is very funny and talented and interesting, and I’m not saying it’s a bad movie. It’s just, I felt like Aura was a friend I liked but who was making really terrible decisions repeatedly, and I could say things like, “Hey, maybe you shouldn’t have unprotected sex in a pipe” all I wanted, but it wasn’t going to stop her from having unprotected sex in a pipe, you know? You know.
So anyway, Lena Dunham’s show Girls is coming out soon, and I’m pretending it even matters that I’m kind of excited about it. I don’t even have television, let alone HBO. I also don’t understand how to download things (imagine me, swatting at my computer feebly, like a monkey trying to understand the glowing box). It looks funny, but the bigger point is that I’m concerned about Lena Dunham. Not even about her character’s unprotected pipe sex this time.
Lena Dunham, where are your pants? Aura spent the majority of Tiny Furniture sans pants, to which I say whatever. She is a woman in her (mother’s) own home. She is free to not wear pants, I guess. She was without pants so much that it started to seem strange, but I figured it was just a character choice Lena Dunham made. Then I watched the trailer for Girls, and guess who isn’t wearing pants AGAIN? LENA DUNHAM! It’s starting to seem less like a character choice and more just like a personal preference Lena Dunham has for pantsless living.
I understand this, in theory. I wear skirts almost every day because I find tights more comfortable than jeans, and the second I get home I change into yoga pants. But I am covering the lower half of my body, which is an important thing for me. I guess what I’m asking is: Is it normal to just not wear pants whenever possible? Because here’s my thing…the appeal of wearing no pants is comfort, right? But how am I supposed to feel comfortable knowing that someone could show up to my apartment at any moment, and there I would be, no pants? There’s a scene in Tiny Furniture where Lena Dunham has to wrap a blanket around her body to answer the door because she isn’t wearing pants. I don’t want to wrap a blanket around my body! I want to be ready to greet the world. Also, what if there’s a fire? Every second counts. You don’t have time to be grabbing pants. Also again, I don’t have blinds up in my kitchen yet, and if you’re walking by just the right way you can kind of see into the living room and, you know what, forget it. You don’t need a detailed description of my place.
Maybe this is just a personal quirk of mine, because I’m going to be honest with you, I like to do my hair and makeup all the time. Even when I’m staying at home and no one is going to see me. Judge away! Call me a vain, naracissistic asshole! I literally cannot concentrate on anything I’m doing if I know that my blow dried, non-straightened hair is looking like this:
And you know what? Last week I was sick, and everyone at work kept telling me how terrible I looked and that I should go home. And the thing was, I knew I didn’t look bad because I was sick. I just didn’t wear makeup all week. That’s how bad it is, you guys. I need to be wearing makeup all the time. I just…I just need to be kind of put together. Just a little bit. I need to be wearing pants.
So, frankly, Lena Dunham, I don’t understand you and your pantsless ways. Not one bit.
Just one month to plan her dream wedding? AND she “miraculously” scored an appointment at Kleinfeld’s? Listen, People, I think you need to figure out the definition of the word “miraculous” because this is not the part of Elizabeth Smart’s story it applies to.
Seriously, sometimes I think our culture’s collective wedding fever goes a bit too far.
Over the weekend, I got to watch Portlandia with my two favorite brothers. It was a delight. One of our favorite sketches involved Carrie Brownstein’s character hiring an adult babysitter to watch her husband. The woman playing the babysitter was hilarious, and in this behind-the-scenes video they explain how awesome she is.
Even though I’ll be writing more in-depth about this book in the near future, I feel a duty to let you know about it now, because I don’t want you to go through another second of your life without having read it.
Believe it or not, it actually didn’t make me cry, even though I felt on the verge of dissolving into sobs the entire time I read it. And I cry a lot when I read, like this weekend when I finished a book and then I laid down on the couch to cry while my boyfriend watched TV, and he put his hand on my hand and said, “Do books always affect you this way?” because he’d really only seen me cry over a book once, and that was the New Year’s Eve 2010/Julie Orringer Incident. The answer is yes. Books do always affect me this way.
Go read this book. It’s one of the truest books I’ve ever read.
And remember that a no is free. Ask for what you like, and get used to being turned down. Rejection is hard, but to get acceptance you have to put up with a lot of rejection. If you really like something, don’t ever think, Can I do this? If you think Can I? you won’t. You have to say, “I’m gonna do this, and nobody’s gonna stop me!” But you have to believe that, you can’t just say it. It might take really a long time, because people never say you’re good at first. Or if they do, you’re a flash in the pan and it’s over.
If you haven’t read Role Models yet, DO IT. It’s one of my favorites.