Probably the Funniest Thing I’ve Ever Seen

In case you didn’t know (but you probably did, because I talk about it all the time), my brother Alex is in a comedy group called Baby Mountain. I can definitely say I’m their number one fan, and not even just because of my brother. I just think they’re so funny. Over the weekend, their school did something called the 48 hour shootout. Here’s an explanation from someone who didn’t really pay attention when she had it explained to her (me): each team gets a prop, a title, a genre, and a line, and then they have 48 hours to make an entire short film. This is the one my brother worked on…OR DID HE?

Why don’t I have a Baby Mountain t-shirt yet? I deserve one. I am the best hype girl.

In Case You Wondered Where I Get It…

My mom made me these owl pillows. She said she made them at midnight. Late night crafting runs in the family.

My Dad

My dad is quite the artist. In the past, he’s made me a collage of pictures of Alex wearing an apron, a Pretty In Pink shirt, and now this:

This is truly some one-of-a-kind artwork. A regular Andy Warhol, that’s Papa W. Anyway, I love this picture so, so, so much and I’m going to display it prominently for as long as I live. Mostly I’m just glad Dad left my “beauty mark” intact. God forbid he photoshop that out.

Christmas Jam: I’ll Be Home for Christmas, She & Him

I’ll admit it. I don’t really like a lot of “classic” Christmas songs. Singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer feels, to me, like singing the ABCs. Give me a Last Christmas any day! But I really love I’ll Be Home For Christmas, and it’s made me tear up on more than once occasion (despite never having been away from home on Christmas). Let’s just pretend my extreme emotional outbursts are a charming part of my character.

I hope you’re all having the best Christmas possible and spending time with the people you love. I’m extremely lucky to have spent the past two days seeing lots of my favorite friends (including people I only get to see a few times a year), and now I get to spend a several days with my family. Enjoy all your holiday traditions! For my part, I’ll be watching Christmas sitcoms with Alex tonight and trying to rearrange the letters of my mom’s stocking hangers. Merry Christmas!

In Which I’m Conveniently Reminded About the Murakami Book I’m Getting

When my mom and I were out Christmas shopping a few weeks ago, she bought me a book that was on the sale table at Barnes and Noble. “Forget you saw this,” she said to me, which is what she always says when she buys me a present while I’m, um, present. The thing is, I actually did forget what book she bought me, like she used that special Men In Black memory-erasing flashlight or whatever that was (I haven’t seen that movie since junior high). Until yesterday, when she asked, “Hey, who did I buy that book with the bird on the cover for? With a Japanese sounding name?”

SURPRISE RUINED.

Happy Birthday, Alex!

This may surprise you, but once upon a time, someone thought I was cool. The time was pre-2004, and the person was my brother Alex. Then, after I graduated college and he went to college, things changed. Now I think he’s the coolest person in the entire world.
I am so proud of him for already accomplishing so much with his life, and he’s only 22! Ever since we were teeny-tinies, he’s always made movies (and made us all laugh). He made video-films in high school and started his own sketch comedy group in college. Now he’s doing stand up because apparently he knows no fear. He’s also just one of the nicest and most helpful people I know; I would totally be friends with him even if we weren’t related (he would probably not be friends with me though; I’m very needy). His dedication and creativity inspire me to work harder, and as Drake would say, I’m so I’m so I’m so I’m so I’m so proud of him. Happy birthday, Lexie!

You guys, being a big sister is the best gig ever. If you can swing it, I’d highly recommend it.

A Sentence I Never Thought I’d Say

“Hold on, my mom’s calling, she probably wants to talk about my grandpa’s circumcision.”

(For the record, he got a second opinion and didn’t go through with it. Thank God.)

Happy Birthday, Chasey!

Today my youngest broseph Chase turns the big 1-7. I can still remember when Mama W. told us she was pregnant. I laughed at her because I thought she was telling a joke. Then I told my 3rd grade teacher that my mom was pregnant, and Mama W. told me to say “having a baby,” not “pregnant.” I don’t know why.

From those humble origins sprang Chase, the most fashionable family member, or at least the family member who makes the least money and yet spends the most on clothes. But this isn’t a post to make fun of him! That’s what real life is for. This post is to say happy birthday to my great little bro! He might wear some ugly pants, but at least he celebrates what makes him unique, which isn’t always easy to do in high school. I’m proud of him for standing up for what he believes in, whether it’s giving some Mormon kid a smackdown or just wearing those ugly pants. Sorry. I can’t help it. Chasey is a creative and funny little dude and I can’t wait to see what he ends up doing in the rest of high school, college, and beyond.
Happy birthday, little bro! See you tonight!

I Went to A Comedy Show

I should just tell you guys upfront that I’m listening to Queen Latifah’s book-on-CD Put On Your Crown. It is all about how Queen Latifah got to where she is today, and how we can use her lessons not as a blueprint, but as guideposts for our own journey (exact quote). I have so, so much to say about what I’m learning from the Queen, but that will come later. For now, just know that she is really informing the decisions I make in my everyday life. For example, she talked about traveling to a foreign country with friends who would only eat at McDonald’s because they wanted something familiar. The Queen, however, likes to go to a tapas restaurant and order 15 different things to share so she can taste everything. Also once in Amsterdam she ordered 19 beers so she could taste them all. She is so full of life. Anyway, one of her catchphrases is “Savor the flavor,” which basically means try new things, go outside your comfort zone, and don’t eat at McDonald’s when you’re in Amsterdam.

Tuesday night Alex came into town to see comedian Rory Scovel at a bar in my neighborhood. This was super exciting to me because as much as I love comedy (so much!), I love seeing my family even more. It is, honest to God, just the biggest treat for me to see any of them at any time. We went to Aladdin’s with H., where I tried something new because, you know, Queen Latifah. I savored the flavor! I felt adventurous. It was delightful.

I wasn’t really familiar with Rory Scovel before the show, because I’m an idiot, but Alex assured me that he was hilarious. Since I’m pretty sure that Queen Latifah would always agree to go see stand up comedy, I said I’d go. Alex knows about these things because he’s “in college” and “performs standup” and “has a sketch comedy show” and “pays attention to the world around him.” As it turns out, he was right, of course. Rory Scovel was so funny. I honestly can’t remember the last time I’ve laughed so hard. My stomach and my jaw hurt from laughing. I love a well-told, well-crafted joke, but the things that always make me laugh the hardest are funny phrasings and silly voices. Rory Scovel has great jokes and funny voices. And I know you are thinking, “Kerry, this blog is called Welcome to Ladyville and dude does not look like a lady.” Well, I am a lady and I was there and I enjoyed it, so you know what? It’s going on the blog. Here is a funny Rory Scovel performance on Conan:

Also, he made all these funny bear videos!

And of course, he is good looking. I don’t need to tell you that. You have eyes in your heads.

There were several other comedians and they were all so great, but I was 7&7-ed up so I don’t remember all of their names. But I do recommend you check out Geoff Tate, who was super hilarious and also wore denim on denim which is my favorite look ever.

You guys know what’s fun? Laughing! Let’s laugh all the time.

The Kindle, Shame Reads, and a Picture of a Schwartzman

Last Christmas (cue music), Papa W. bought me a Kindle. I shouldn’t have been surprised, because the man loves nothing more than extensively researching and then purchasing electronics for his loved ones, and I already owned a camera, an iPod, and a Garmin. Because he bought them all for me for previous holidays. If this is making me sound like a Daddy’s girl, well, that’s because I am. Whether it’s making appointments for me to test drive cars, replacing the battery in my smoke alarm, or having an emotional discussion at a Panera Bread, Papa W. is always there for me. As he was with this Kindle, a gift I didn’t even know I wanted until I got it.

I understood the allure of the Kindle. It seemed practical for people who traveled a lot, or maybe people with bad eyesight. But, honestly, it just seemed like something I didn’t need. That is, until the moment I held it in my hands, at which point I experienced the sort of soul mate connection only experienced in romcoms. Like, I locked eyes with the Kindle’s metaphorical eyes and we had a moment. I knew we were destined to be together forever.

Do you know how heavy it gets to carry around multiple books in your purse at all times? Even paperbacks get heavy. And I can’t just bring one book, because what if I finish it and I get stuck somewhere and oh God. Even just thinking about it, I’m starting to panic. The Kindle is light, it fits in all my purses, and I can bring multiple books everywhere! Classics are free, so I’ve been “reading” Sense and Sensibility every time I’m between books for the last six months! It’s amazing.

However, I’d be lying if I told you I was using my Kindle to catch up on the classics. You should know me better than that. You know what I mostly read on my Kindle? Books I’m too embarrassed to be seen reading in public. That way, I can just lie and tell people I’m reading Infinite Jest. They’ll never know. Listen, I’ve read a third of that book, okay? I can totally fake my way through a conversation about it. The Entertainment, tennis, AA meetings, okay, sure.

But while I’m reluctant to embarrass myself in front of strangers at a coffeeshop, I have no sense of shame in front of you guys. Do you want to know what I’ve purchased for my Kindle? Plenty of good books! But here are the embarassing ones:

Skinny Bitch (I KNOW!)
Crazy Sexy Diet (I KNOW, I KNOW!)
Unlimited by Jillian Michaels
The latest Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants book
Never Let Me Go (just kidding, that was actually a smart book that I read. I’m so smart, guys)

This weekend, I discovered that my new library loans Kindle books. This means I don’t even have to spend money to get my shame read on. Which brings me to the real point of my post, which is to ask: Um, do any of you guys read the Princess Diaries series?

Hear me out on this one. I started reading these in high school, which is a normal age to be reading books about high school girls. Except even then, I was all “hate-reading Ayn Rand on the outside, YA-reading on the inside.” The Princess Diaries (along with the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants books and various other YA series) were my secrets. Even in college, I once read a just-released Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants book hidden inside my Microbiology textbook so my roommate wouldn’t know. Like, you’d have thought I was an adolescent boy trying to sneak a copy of Mad magazine into class.

I just love books for teenage girls, and these are especially well-written. They’re laugh-out-loud funny in a very specific-to-teenage-girls way, the preoccupations and the language are mostly accurate, and they are not in any way dumbed down. Impressively, all of Meg Cabot’s books (that I’ve read) deal with sex in an incredibly realistic, mature way. She doesn’t write like she has to “set an example” for today’s wayward youth, but she still manages to be responsible. One of her books talked about how you should always use two forms of birth control, and I was like, “Oh my God, Meg Cabot! You are dropping so many truth bombs for today’s girls!” But for real, she treats teenage issues with the exact right mix of realism and humor, and as someone who wants to write for teenage girls, I really admire that.

Also, her books are, like, 95% romance. I mean, The Princess Diaries is about being a princess, of course, but mostly it’s about dudes. That’s almost entirely all I want to read about. Yes, okay, I also have Swamplandia! on my Kindle because I like reading about alligators and dilapidated theme parks and having nightmares about The Birdman (NO I DON’T. Someone who has read Swamplandia!, let’s talk through our feelings on The Birdman, because I have a lot of issues I need to deal with). But mostly? Yeah, I just want to read about love and sex and crushes. What I like about teen novels is they understand how important feelings are. Teenagers are just obsessed with their feelings, and that’s how I am too, so I relate.

Forgive my use of run-on sentences and possible typos; I kind of rushed through this post because, um, I need to finish this Princess Diaries book. Do any of you ladies read these? Or maybe you used to, but you think 25 is way too old to be reading books meant for teenagers? I call it “research” to make myself feel better, but you can justify your habits anyway you want to. I’m not here to judge.

Also, do you know who played Michael in the Princess Diaries movie? A damn Schwartzman. No Jason, but let’s face it. A Schwartzman is a Schwartzman (which is to say, someone I have a crush on).