Archive | September, 2011

Lady Jam: Does He Love You, Reba McEntire and Linda Davis

30 Sep

As a kid from a small town, I grew up listening to country music. Country in the early 90’s was kind of the best; it was before Shania Twain waltzed in with her leopard print hooded jumpsuit and pop music-ed up the place (no disrespect to Shania intended, of course). Country radio statoins played Garth Brooks, Vince Gill, Lorrie Morgan, Randy Travis (a man my grandpa once described as singing “like a cow”), and Reba. Oh, so much Reba. Before she was a sitcom star, before she was a mascot for Fritos, she recorded a duet that I’ve always remembered fondly. After I rewatched/relistened to it, I can confirm that this is indisputably the best song ever recorded by two women who love the same man (even better than The Boy is Mine), and it is definitely the best music video ever made. I’m completely serious. Watch and see.

“I’ve known about you for awhile now/when he leaves me he wears a smile now,” are the first words out of Reba’s mouth. Reba has a more reasoned approach than I would to cheating; I would cut off his testicles first, ask questions later. Not Reba! Well, okay, actually later she does something worse, but we aren’t there yet! Anyway, this is a duet between Reba and The Woman Who’s Sleeping With Reba’s Man. As if any woman would even dare attempt such a thing.

Reba wears a number of what can only be described as “costumes” in this video. I never realized how much this video informed my sense of style, but unfortunately 2nd grade me didn’t really get the campy, wink-wink value of this video. I just liked that Linda Davis (i.e., the one who isn’t Reba) looked like a human Barbie and Reba wore this insane pink headband thing that matched her robe. You are so glamorous while you get ready, Reba! This is the douche they’re both sleeping with:

You can do better, Reba.

Reba tries to spy on her husband and Human Barbie, who looks perfectly coiffed as always.

But she’ll never be as stylish as Reba, who only does her spy work while dressed as Lawrence of Arabia:

GIRL, WHAT IS THAT HEADPIECE? HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE INCOGNITO IN HEAD-TO-TOE WHITE? Yes, you look beautiful, but let’s just think about whether or not that outfit is appropriate.
“Is he deceiving me, or aaaawwwwm I deceiving myself?” Reba asks warblingly.
After being detected, she slinks out as if being pulled offstage by a hook (at the 2:20 mark), ostensibly to ride a camel across a desert somewhere.

After a heartfelt exchange-in-song (wherein Reba asks, “Shouldn’t I lose my temper?” and Human Barbie asks, “Shouldn’t I be ashamed?”) Reba gets serious. Real serious. It might seem like she’s just watching her husband and his not-so-secret lover while wearing the sassiest pantsuit and biggest collar known to man, but actually, right after this smirk…

THE BOAT EXPLODES. YOU GUYS. REBA PLANTED A BOMB. SHE KILLED THEM. To answer your earlier question, Reba, I’m pretty sure you did lose your temper. That’s what it’s called when you rig a boat with explosives and kill two people.

But not to worry! The video ends on a really weird meta-moment, with director Rob Reiner appearing to show Reba how great the explosion looked. Oh. So it was all just a video. No one really died. Reba is not a crazy vindictive bitch. We can all rest easy…

OR CAN WE?????

Lady Jam: Total Eclipse of the Heart

28 Sep

I started to feel bad about singing in my apartment at 5:30 this morning, because the walls are so thin and I worried about waking my neighbors. Then I remembered that they keep having loud sex at 1:00 a.m. and waking me up. Until you can schedule your loud sex for a time when I’m not sleeping, YOU ARE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO HEAR TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART BECAUSE SINGING IT IS PART OF MY MORNING ROUTINE RIGHT NOW.

Bonnie Tyler really is a glamorous gem, isn’t she? They don’t make ’em like that anymore. Can you guys tell I’m stressed out about moving? Total Eclipse of the Heart is really speaking to me. Oh man.

Inspiration For Us All

28 Sep

Just a little bit of makeup can work wonders.

Lady Jam: Sara Bareilles

27 Sep

I think of Welcome to Ladyville as a safe space where I can admit my deepest, darkest secrets. You know, like the time I killed that man in Reno just to watch him die. I don’t believe in “guilty” pleasures and I rarely feel ashamed for liking anything “uncool.” I seriously don’t have time in my life for anyone who thinks they’re too good for anything or who looks down on others’ enthusiasm for nerdy, silly, or unstylish things. You can try to make me feel bad for liking/LOVING Hall and Oates, Lady Gaga, or the Kardashians, but sorry, I have no shame. And yet…I do feel kind of weird about the fact that I have been listening to Sara Bareilles while packing.

This is not really the type of music I normally listen to. While I adore pop music, I typically stick to things that are a little bit dancier and not so singer-songwriter-y. I stumbled across this video because it was directed by Jonah Hill. Had a crush on him before he lost weight, have a crush on him now. This should not surprise you.

This song is just…bouncy! I’m kind of helpless in the face of its power, since there are finger snaps and sassy backup vocals, two song elements I absolutely cannot resist. Plus, Sara Bareilles is very pretty in a nonthreatening way. She’s the type of girl your guys friends always have crushes on without realizing she’s way out of their league.

So then I fell down the Sara Bareilles wormhole and found THIS video, featuring (among others) Ben Folds, aka one of my all-time biggest high school crushes.

You guys, I am like two steps away from listening to Natasha Bedingfield right now. Who am I? Either way, I am honestly disturbed by the thoughts I had about Adam Levine while watching this. He’s not so terrible facewise. Also, Josh Groban looks like a puppy with a history of abuse, which, FYI, is MY TYPE.

You won me over, Sara Bareilles. I’ll try to have some Joni Mitchell or Stevie Nicks on the blog soon, but no promises. I might just keep listening to this.

Things I’ve Done In the Past Few Weeks That Make Me Feel Like I’m Growing Up

26 Sep

-started taking vitamins
-test drove a car
-signed a lease for an apartment
-ate a lot of vegetables
-applied for a loan

Thing I’ve Done That Made Me Realize I’m Never Going to Grow Up:

-accidentally bought jeggings when I meant to buy jeans.
-bought vitamins that are also caffeine pills, took them for a week with my daily 1-2 (okay, sometimes 3) cups of coffee, just thought the extra energy came from great nutrition.


26 Sep

In a very short time, I’ll be doing something I’ve been wanting to do for, oh, three years now: moving!

I’ve mentioned my yearly goal lists before. This year’s goal list included something that I knew would be difficult for me: moving out of the ‘ville. Truthfully, I never intended to stay here this long after I graduated. Actually, I didn’t plan to stay here at all, but life happened and I needed money and I’m very attached to my family and I’m afraid of change and LONG STORY SHORT it finally hit me this year that I’m very unhappy living here. One of my biggest pet peeves is people who complain about problems that they can easily solve instead of taking action, and yet, here I was. Sending “I’m so lonely” e-mails to my best friend at night because literally not a single friend lived within an hour of me, and there wasn’t a coffeeshop or bookstore within 30 minutes, and they only people I’d seen that day were men over 50 (my coworkers), and I hadn’t made a new friend in approximately forever. I rationalized all the reasons I was stuck. I have a job here! This is a good job! I could never find a place in Columbus I could afford! And on, and on, and on.

But you know what? Do you think when Lady Gaga turned 25 she was like, “Oh, I guess I will just coast through this year doing things the same way I always have.” No way. Lady Gaga never stops reinventing herself, and neither should I. So last week I signed a lease on my dream apartment, and I couldn’t possibly be more excited to move in. I’ll be close to my friends, my favorite stores, restaurants, coffee shops, and probably even some things that don’t involve food. Or, I don’t know, most of the things I’m excited about involve food. Whatever.

I’ve made a lot of changes this year, big and small, and probably to you guys they would all be NBD. But, since we’re all friends here at Welcome to Ladyville, I can admit that I have a hard time with change. I’m most comfortable reading a book on my couch until I forget about the ways I’m unsatisfied. I know you are all surprised by this because I present myself as so cool and together on this blog (ha…kidding, guys). But I made a promise to myself that my 25th year would be my best one yet and that I would do everything I could to make my dreams come true, Hall and Oates style.

I’m excited about where my life’s headed for the first time in a long while. Even though I’m actually going to be dealing with some pretty big inconveniences (I hate the process of moving, and, oh, did I mention I’m keeping my job and will be driving an hour both ways everyday? Like I said, problem with change! And I like my job), I feel like that cliched, metaphorical weight has been lifted off of me. I can’t wait to make new friends, reconnect with my old ones, and explore my interests more fully.

I only intended for this post to explain why I won’t be posting much this week, but I somehow turned it into this cheesy, personal thing. I promise that very soon I’ll be back to talking about Drake, my boobs, Zooey Deschanel, and all the weird stuff I bought at a thrift store. But I also wanted to tell you guys how much it really does mean to me that you read the silly things I post everyday, leave me comments, post links on your Facebook pages, tell your friends about the blog, etc. I am so touched when my friends take time to read the blog, and I’m equally excited when someone I don’t even know personally lets me know that they’ve been reading. The support and encouragement I’ve received from this little blog have given me the courage to do a lot of things I don’t know if I could have done otherwise. I DON’T WANT TO GET TOO EMOTIONAL, YOU GUYS! But I think it’s too late! I love you all!

Anyway, the impending move means I have a lot of packing to do this week. Who has two thumbs, 7 boxes of books, and an inherited tendency to be a pack rat? This girl! So I might not be posting on my typical, every-day-at-6 schedule. Not that I necessarily think you will care or notice, but there it is anyway. Look forward to lots of new posts when I move on topics like: Decorating your home using only things you found at the thrift store! Trying to make new friends while being really socially awkward! Getting really, really skinny because you spent all your money on home decor items and now all you can afford to eat is ramen noodles and frozen vegetables! Trying new restaurants even though you shouldn’t be spending money on restaurants but you have weird priorities! The things you think of when you spend two hours a day in a car! There’s a lot to look forward to.

Big News

25 Sep

Today at Panera, I saw a guy wearing this shirt:

So I guess this is just my way of inviting you guys to our wedding next Spring! Expect your hilarious and classy oral sex/Harley Davidson themed save-the-dates in the mail soon!

Happy Weekend!

23 Sep

I know I usually post a picture of a celebrity with Muppets on the weekend, but this weekend I’m going to talk about Parks and Rec. I don’t even care if I spoil it for you because it came on yesterday, so whatever.

This would be my exact reaction if someone gave me an L-shaped (okay, K-shaped would make more sense) eclair.

I definitely cried during this episode. I’m watching it again, and I predict tears again. Seriously, you know who buys personalized donuts? Dream guys! Leslie Knope and I have so much in common (basically just our taste in food).

Just An Observation

23 Sep

I think if you decide to stick with one man for the rest of your life, you just have to be prepared for him to bloat. Observe James Spader. How did this:

Turn into this:

I literally do not even want to know what’s going to happen to Ryan Gosling.

Thrift Store Find: Amazing Paintings

23 Sep

I found a pair of these paintings at Volunteers of America and I didn’t buy them. I thought about them the entire next day, then went back and got them. Inexplicably, no one else bought them while I was making up my mind. They’re going to look great in my new place (more on that later!).