For someone who has a blog called Welcome to Ladyville, I’m not very good at being a lady. I blame this on growing up with brothers and always being around a lot of men. Although my mom taught me lots of important skills, like cooking and sewing, I never really learned about lady stuff like makeup or hair. Anything hyper-feminine is definitely not valued in my family, as my mom is fond of saying she won’t get manicures because she’d ruin them immediately with all the work she does and also who has all that free time to get massages and facials?
As much as I want to fit in, I still feel uncomfortable in lady-centric situations. Since I like to think of myself as a proactive gal, I’ve devised a crash course in all things feminine. My hope is that after I’ve experienced/read/watched all the items on this list, I’ll feel less like a 14 year old boy and more like a grown ass woman.
1. Watch the first season of Sex and the City
Do you know how often ladies start a sentence with, “You know that episode of Sex and the City when…”? Very often. And unless they are asking, “Do you know that episode of Sex and the City where they go to that godawful looking club where everyone sits on beds and Michael Showalter is a guest star and Charlotte has a bad threesome?” I am not going to know what they’re talking about. Because I’ve seen about five episodes of SATC, and at least three of them have been that episode.
2. Watch lady movies
My mom and I have been to exactly one movie together, and that was Little Women in the 3rd grade. That means that all of the many, many movies I saw as a child were with my dad. There was a lot of Star Wars and Jurassic Park, but not a lot of lady stuff. Even though I now gravitate towards films starring, written by, and/or directed by women, there are still a lot of films aimed towards women that I haven’t seen. Like The Notebook! Or Beaches! Or Terms of Endearment! Even if all of those movies are terrible, I can guarantee I will like exactly one thing about each of them (respectively: Ryan Gosling, Bette Midler, Jack Nicholson).
3. Get a manicure and/or pedicure.
Sure, I keep my nails in a constant coat of chipped polish, but I’ve never had them professionally done.
4. Get a bra fitting.
“Do your boobs hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Chances are they do—eight out of 10 women are wearing the wrong size bra! Not only can the right bra eliminate sagging, it can make you appear slimmer and take years off your looks. “Women of America,” Oprah declares, “you need to rise up and get a proper bra fitting.””-Oprah
They do not wobble to and fro, Oprah. They do not! All insults aside, I’m intrigued by this belief of Oprah’s that the right bra can take years off my looks. I already look 17–will I finally be able to look 12? Also, what if I’m actually a DD cup? I’m pretty sure I’m a DD cup.
5. Read Eat, Pray, Love
So far the only one of these I’m really confident in is “eat.”
6. Plan a bridal shower for my BFF.
This is going to be the ultimate test of my lady-mettle. I’m ready for the challenge.
7. Learn more about Oprah.
Just in general, I feel like I don’t know enough about O. She’s the patron saint of aspirational women everywhere.
This is my list so far; if you have any suggestions, put them in the comments! I’ll put together a final list soon and get started. Hopefully I’ll come out of this with some fly nails and a real appreciation of Sarah Jessica Parker.