Tag Archives: tv

Lady Intro: My Two Dads

17 Feb

If I were this girl, I would hope my real dad was Paul Reiser. Because that other dad, the George Michael looking one? Give me a break. Too hot to be a dad.

What’s the Deal With The League?

9 Jan

Recently I watched a few episodes of FX’s The League. I’d seen an episode or two before, but it didn’t really like it and wasn’t interested in watching more. My boyfriend, however, kept trying to get me to like it. Everytime I’d ask an innocent question like, “Do you want to watch Toddlers and Tiaras?” or “Do you want to watch Kardashians?” he’d counter with, “How about The League?” Since I’m not an entirely stone cold bitch, I eventually acquiesced and we ended up watching a few episodes last weekend.

I should like The League. Sure, it’s about football, which I hate, but so is Friday Night Lights. Just because it’s about football doesn’t mean it’s about football, you know? I mean, Keeping Up With the Kardashians is ostensibly about the Kardashians, but I see it as a commentary on our rapidly declining sense of cultural propriety. Also, Khloe.
The cast is made up of people I like: Nick Kroll, Paul Scheer, and Mark Duplass (who you know from every movie where Greta Gerwig takes her top off). Lots of people I respect like The League, so I had no reason to expect that I wouldn’t like it.

Except guess what? I don’t like The League. At all.

I only laughed at one character (we’ll get to that later). I felt like the show was trying very hard to say, “This is what dudes are like when they’re hanging out. Just bein’ bros!” Well, if I wanted to hang out with a bunch of homophobic assholes who hate their wives and children, I’d go to a sportsbar. I don’t need to watch TV for that.

The show’s attitude towards women goes beyond unfunny and into downright dangerous. I just the 2 episodes I’ve watched, both the female characters “cut off” their husbands from sex as a punishment. Right, because sex is a favor women do for men. Of course women do not want or need sex for themselves. I really like Katie Aselton, who plays Jenny, but the fact that she’s a good actress doesn’t save the show. Why is she always wearing the tiniest clothes? Where are her pants in this promo shot?

I get it that she’s super hot. I’m not a blind moron, but give me a break.
At one point, a character makes a domestic violence joke. That’s reprehensible and disgusting in any situation, even more so in a show where women seem to be either sex objects or bitches.
Listen, I don’t need likeable characters in order to follow a story; I loved Young Adult, and Mavis was a shitty person. But I do need to at least feel some sort of investment in the characters, and I don’t. So far all I’m getting is bad-sitcom-level jokes about how marriage is awful. At this point, I wouldn’t care if all the characters died.

Except for Paul Scheer, who is a delight! He is absolutely as funny here as he is in everything else he does. Also, it looks like he isn’t wearing pants, either. Maybe I shouldn’t judge.

Will I give this show another chance? Probably not. Life’s short and I’m still not done with Friday Night Lights. I want to like The League, and so many people like it that I can’t believe it’s bad. Then again, so many people think traditional gender roles, violence against women, and elementary school gay jokes are okay, too. I’ve only seen the first few episodes, though, so maybe things change.

Do you watch The League? Do you like it? Should I bother giving it another chance? Let me know!

Three’s Company is the Best Show on TV

6 Jan

Freaks and Geeks is one of my favorite shows of all time, mostly because Lindsay Weir is the most realistic depiction I’ve ever seen of a teenage girl. I felt like Lindsay Weir every single day from the time I was 13 to the time I was 20, and I still feel like her a lot of days. This scene from F&G doesn’t feature Lindsay (or Kim, the baddest bitch you’ll ever meet), but it does feature I line that someone in my family says just about everyday: “Three’s Company is the best show on TV!” If you don’t know why we say it so much, then you don’t know how often Three’s Company comes up in conversation.

Important Friday Night Lights News

2 Dec

News broke yesterday that Zach Gilford, a.k.a. Matt Saracen, is engaged. This news deeply upset MTV, so much so that they wrote this breathless article lamenting his unavailability. But not to worry! They also did a little research and found out the relationship statuses of the other Friday Night Lights dudes.

Smash, Jason Street, and Tim Riggins are all single. So I guess if you run into them somewhere, go for it? This was a great, chartiable service from MTV, but I think they dropped the ball. I mean, what about the characters we really care about? Are they single??

Landry/Jesse Plemons:

I think he has a girlfriend, but I don’t know. It was kind of hard to tell. MTV News made it look so easy, but there’s just not much information about Jesse Plemons on the web.

Buddy Garrity/Brad Leland

Married, BOO.

Coach Taylor/Kyle Chandler:

Of course he is married. Have you seen him? Give me a break.

I’m Thankful For…

26 Nov

Two days late, here’s my list of what I’m thankful for. It’s not like thankfulness has a expiration date.

1. Young Nicolas Cage.

I will keep preaching the gospel of the Cage until everyone agrees with me. Young Nicolas Cage was the most attractive man ever. It is only very recently that things have gone to pot, and I feel like, as a society, we are to blame. Why won’t we let him be great?

2. This chicken walk Kyle MacLachlan does in Blue Velvet.

People forget how goofy David Lynch is. He’s goofy, you guys. I think about this chicken walk scene, like, several times a day and I’m just so thankful it exists.

3. Netflix
How else would I watch an insane amount of Friday Night Lights? Which brings me to number 4….

4. Matt Saracen

Do you think I like having a creepily intense crush on a guy playing a high school student? Of course I don’t. I feel weird. But I can’t stop these feelings any more than I can say, “Oh, no thanks, I won’t watch just one more episode of FNL and stay up way past my bedtime and sleepwalk through the next day at work.” Matt Sarecen is, hands down, the most realistic depiction of a small-town high school student I’ve ever seen on TV. I’ve heard rumblings that bad things may or may not be coming Matt Saracen’s way, but don’t spoil anything for me. Don’t you dare. I’m going to need a lot of time to emotionally process whatever might happen. Remember the part where he sings to his grandma? Oh my Lord.

5. Pizza. Just in general.

6. You! Thanks for reading, commenting, and being all-around super-great ladies and gents.

New Girl is the Best Sitcom, or: I Clearly Spent Too Much of My Youth Watching Television

3 Nov

I’ve heard a lot of criticism for Fox’s New Girl. It’s too unbelievable. Zooey D’s too pretty to play anyone even remotely undesirable. How can three men live in such a clean, well-decorated apartment? How do they afford such a place? Why would they put up with her annoying, intrusive behavior?

Of course all of these are valid questions, but they’re entirely beside the point. We’re living in Sitcom World now; your rules don’t apply here.

The fact that an attractive woman lives with three attractive men who can barely hide their contempt for her isn’t really that outlandish, all sitcoms considered. I mean, television also asked us to believe that Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari could successfully pass as women just to live in a cheap apartment.

(Be careful Google image searching Bosom Buddies, she said from a place of experience.)

Sitcoms exist in their own world with their own rules. “Forget it, internet. It’s Sitcom-Town.”- me, being really clever. New Girl isn’t realistic or “deep” or complicated, but it’s the best at what it does because it follows all the rules.

Necessities For A Successful Sitcom:

– Roommates who begrudgingly move in together, but eventually learn to love one another.

-One character accidentally sees another character naked:

-A great theme song.

-A scene at the end where everyone comes together and shares what they’ve learned. This happens in EVERY EPISODE of Perfect Strangers. Usually Cousin Larry actually says something like, “Well, Balki, we’ve learned a lot today.” I love it.

-Everything must be wrapped up in 30 (okay, 22) minutes. Sometimes there can be a two-parter, but if there are stories that routinely stretch throughout a season, it’s not sitcommy enough. I LOVE Parks and Rec, and I like the Office and Community, but I feel it’s dishonest to refer to them as sitcoms. They’re half an hour, and they’re comedies, but they’re no Perfect Strangers, you know?

-Characters with very clearly defined characteristics.
I forget which book/piece this was in, but Chuck Klosterman once wrote about how, by the end of Friends, the humor came not from actual dialogue or jokes, but from our knowledge of the characters. It’s like how the audience laughs just seeing Kramer enter Jerry’s apartment on Seinfeld. New Girl already has this down. Jess is a weirdo! Schmidt has sex a lot! Nick is pathetic! Winston plays basketball! This sounds like a bad thing, but it isn’t. Not in a sitcom.
Listen, if I wanted to deal with complex characters, I’d watch a drama. Should I watch The Wire finally? I don’t know. But a sitcom’s not the place for that. A sitcom is escapism. A sitcom is a clearly defined character who does the right thing after 23 minutes of fumbling around and running into things. A sitcom is a guarantee that, no matter how confusing or shitty or stressful your own problems might be, for a half an hour, you’re going to watch a character stumble into a problem, clumsily mess it up, and then solve it. Every. Damn. Time.

And maybe if you’re lucky, everyone will hug at the end.

I Am Not Zooey Deschanel (And Neither Are You)

20 Sep

Zooey Deschanel’s fun sitcom New Girl premieres on the teevee tonight, but it’s been available online for a couple of weeks. Anyone who’s interested (and I myself am part of that group) has already seen it. And as it turns out, the majority of the people who’ve seen it are twenty-something white girls who are currently flooding my Facebook feed with status updates like, “The New Girl is me!” or “I am the New Girl!” or “New Girl New Girl MEMEME!” and all I can say is NOPE.

Not you.

Listen, I get it. Really, I do. This show is painting a real pretty picture, one in which a “weird” girl’s quirks and eccentricities make her endearing instead of annoying. We all want to live in that world! Oh, do we ever.

Guys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses…unless they look like this..

Clearly, the point of this character is to make us, as twenty-something ladies, relate to her. We can think, “Oh, I sing to myself all the time, too!” or “Hey, I’ve had my share of crying jags during Dirty Dancing!” And that’s why this is a television show. Because this is a fun, not-at-all-real-life fantasy. And you’re talkin’ to a girl who knows from fantasy; there’s nothing I love more than a decidedly not real romcom. But ladies, we are not Zooey Deschanel, and here’s why.

In real life, singing to yourself all the time isn’t cute or fun. In real life, sometimes you’ll be typing away on your laptop while your boyfriend watches football, and then you’ll realize he’s paused the TV and is staring at you. And you’ll look at him and say, “What?” And he’ll just look at you. And then you’ll say, “Was I…doing it again?” And he’ll start the TV again and you’ll realize you’ve been whisper-humming Madonna’s Borderline (“Feels like I’m gooooing to lose my miiiiind!”) for the past ten minutes. And guess what? No one thinks it’s cute.

In real life, if you are making cookies while improvising a song about the experience that you’re tentatively titling “Cookie Time” (it’s a working title, okay?) and the only lyrics are the words “Cookie Time” repeated over and over, no one is going to be like, “Oh, did you just make up a theme song?” like this is some novel, charming thing you did. Instead they are going to pat you on the arm and say, “You need to stop doing that.”

In real life, if you can’t walk in heels, it doesn’t make you charmingly inept; it just makes you inept.

Or maybe, in real life, you have a movie you watch on repeat, too. Instead of Dirty Dancing, let’s just say it’s, like, Pretty In Pink (or something). In real life, people will tolerate you doing this, but they are most certainly NOT going to reenact the scene in which Duckie slides into the room and does an outta-this-world dance to Try a Little Tenderness. “This is a very good tune, my mother used to sing this to me. Otis, I love Otis.”

In real life, if you cry a lot in front of guys, they are absolutely not even going to deal with it.

Unless, of course, you look like Zooey Deschanel. And maybe you do! But I certainly don’t, and let me tell you, my weird behavior is charming no one. Unless you have cerulean eyes the size of koi ponds and black hair that cascades down your back like you’re in a shampoo ad and you look like a Rimmel spokesmodel because you literally are a Rimmel spokesmodel, then you are not the character Jess as played by Zooey Deschanel in the New Girl.

Dudes aren’t putting up with this for anyone who isn’t hot.

I do love this show though. For real! It makes my heart flutter the same way a romantic comedy does, and, like I mentioned, I have a lifelong fantasy that I’m surrounded by men who adore me and protect me in a totally non-sexual way. Hey, remember that time I said I grew up around all men? Do you guys think that is showing, or….? Either way, Zooey Deschanel (who I adore!) is so cute and charming in this role.

Also, I’ve mentioned this before, too, but Jake Johnson. Be still my beating heart.

Dream guy. How long do you guys think it will take before he and Zooey hook up? And how long do you think it will take before I share the fanfic I’m writing about that hookup?

Hey Girl…

6 Sep

…did you know you can watch the pilot episode of The New Girl on iTunes right now? It’s pretty pilot-y, but it clearly has the potential to become a show that could give me warm fuzzies on the regular. It’s about that fantasy all of us ladies have: we move in with three guys who are initially annoyed by our constant singing and crying while watching dance movies, but then we win them over with our effusive charm and joie de vivre and eventually they become our greatest protectors.

Just me, then? Either way, one of the show’s main fellas is Jake Johnson, who I initially developed a crush on when I saw him in Paper Heart. Watch it!

Lady Inspiration: Daria

4 Aug

“People call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.”

Daria was really, really important to me in high school. My BFF and I liked to think we were like Daria and Jane Lane, except that both of us were probably half Daria/half Jane at different times. My favorite part of the show was, of course, the romantic drama. I totally would have had a crush on Trent in high school. Now that I’m a grown ass woman, it’s pretty clear that Trent is more of a burnout than boyfriend material. Right now I’m rewatching the DVDs and I’m just getting into the Tom episodes. Tom! Even as an adult, I have a crush on Tom.


My Dream Guy

22 Jul

Julie Klausner posted this yesterday. I could’ve just skipped writing my post about John Ritter and posted this video instead, because it gets across everything I was saying.

If you don’t think this is the funniest thing you’ve ever seen, don’t even talk to me. The cocktail shaker! The flower pot! I can’t handle it!